Monday, September 13, 2010


*Warning this post is to just let me vent a little*
So Hayden has become a little monster lately. I am really just so frustrated!!! Before he turned 2 we had already entered the "terrible 2" stage and then shortly after 2 he mellowed, now he is turning 3 and throwing the WORST fits. I thought we were supposed to be over this attitude!
So now he is refusing everything I ask him to do. Really I don't "ask" anything I tell him.
  • First it started off with the toys. He is REFUSING to clean up from playtime. I now have to threatened to throw his toys away and have to have a trash bag in hand for him to even think about picking up.
  • Then it went to eating he REFUSED whatever I put in front of him. I am the type of Mother that isn't a "short order cook" if you don't like what I make for don't eat. Unfortunately for Hayden he has gone to bed hungry a many a night. Is this too harsh? Am I just overreacting to the thought of someone immediately rejecting my loving home cooked meal?
  • Now he is REFUSING to take a bath or a shower. I don't know why. He has ALWAYS loved to take a bath. He used to request a bath throughout the day because he loved them so much. I don't know why, nothing has happened. He hasn't fallen, the water isn't too hot, he hasn't had a near drowning. Now it's literally like trying to bath a cat. He screams and cry and tries to climb out. You would think we are pouring boiling water over him. I don't know what to think.
  • He also is REFUSING to cut his hair. Matt has always shaved his head to be "like Daddy" Now he won't let us come near him with the shears. He tell us not to "take his hair" His hair is so overgrown he is starting to look "unkept" I know I need to just take him to smarty pants or something, but I am so afraid of the way he will react and I really don't want to have to hog tie him for a haircut. What should I do???
  • Bedtime. Geez. A year ago when we moved we had a hard time getting Hayden to stay in is room. He would immediately come into the living or the bedroom, or wherever Matt and I were. He would have to walk him back a thousand times and then we would get so tried of playing games and would have to go to bed that we would just let him sleep with us. So finally one night Matt just put his crib back up so he couldn't get out. So that worked about great for about three month, then he converted his bed back to a toddler bed and all was fine. Well a YEAR later he is REFUSING to sleep in his bed. He has to get into ours. I don't know what made him change his mind about his room. So here we are playing the back and forth game. I hate having my son go to bed in tears. I hate that the last thing he hears from us at night are threats of a spanking, but I don't know what else to do! He still comes into our room about 4am EVERY NIGHT. By that time Matt and I are too tried and have to get up in two hours. So in our bed he goes. I just don't know what to do!!!
  • Potty training...psssh what potty training. Don't even get me started.

I explain everything to him and in a loving way. Hayden you have to take a bath because...Hayden the reason Mommy needs you to sleep in your bed is because....Hayden you need to potty in the big boy potty is because.... I always try to make him understand. I always explain the reasoning's for everything. He just doesn't care and SCREAMS at me!

I really go to bed some night and think How am I even supposed to handle him? How the hell do I be a good Mother. Why the hell won't he listen to us? Why is he so mean? What made him become a loud DEMANDING child?

I will gladly take ANY AND ALL suggestion anyone has to any of the above refusals. I'm to a point to where I just want to wave my white flag and say screw it, he can do whatever he wants. I am tried of fighting him!!!


Kristy said...

Heather, bless your heart! I don't have a whole lot of advice except to tell you that we have all been there and are there now. I have heard that 3's can actually be worse than 2's and that seems to be the case for us. It's a constant struggle for them to feel independent and in charge. We deal with it with a lot of time outs, a lot of taking stuff away and sometimes just ignoring his fits works too. Then he figures out that it doesn't get attention and usually stops. I know this doesn't help much but please know that I feel your pain. (Maybe not to that extent!) But I know what you mean! Take a deep breath and remember that you never see adults that don't bathe, get haircuts or throw fits! (Or at least they are few and far between!) So he will outgrow it and you will be able to breathe again some time soon!!!

Holly Bennett said...

It will pass! Three IS the new two!!! All I can say is you have to stand firm and it's completely exhausting. But do it anyway, even if your tired and want to throw in the towel...stand firm. He is testing boundries and feeling out his independence. No threats take action. If you say your going to throw away his toys then do it (then when he is not looking take the sack to the car for a goodwill drop)gone he has plenty, no third and fourth chances tell him what you expect of him, give him the opportunity to obey and if he doesn't then take action with whatever consequence you gave him. Dr. Ferguson would tell you at this age you do not request they do anything and you don't need to explain anything. Give simple commands, in a loving way so you don't feel like a drill sargent but no results equal punishment. Dr. Ferguson would also tell you to put cotton balls in your ears while he throws a fit. Takes the tone down so your not out of your mind. Let him have his fit and maybe he'll cry so hard he'll sleep all night. Sounds cruel but if you are consistent it won't last long and he'll go back to being the happy go lucky kid he normally is. Your doing a great job, parenting is HARD! When things aren't dire try to give him choices so he feels that he has some control over his desires.

~Shelly~ said...

Yep, it's not terrible 2's anymore- it's terrible 3's.
I agree with your sister- throw the toys away for real.. and just tell him it was his choice to lose them. I have done it with Kinley. He is def testing his boundaries with you guys.

Kinley likes to go to bed with her door open. So if she gets out of bed- we tell her we are closing the door & thats usually all it takes for her. IF she still gets up- we close the door & she will throw her fit but she cries herself to sleep. I know my parents think I am too hard on her but you can't parent the way other ppl want you to. Do what you think you have to do bc you are the one who has to live with it day in and day out.
You are just going to have to be hard on him- he needs that it sounds like (and believe me, so does Kinley). It IS just a stage and he WILL outgrow it. He is just figuring out what he can and can't do.
As far as bed time and getting in bed with you- I would come up with some sort of system - maybe a sticker chart system.. where he gets a big sticker if he stays in his bed all night (including the 4am wakeup call). And after he gets say 10 stickers, take him to the dollar store and let him pick out a cheap toy! (and it can replace all the toys u threw away- LOL)
I hope u guys can figure something out soon! We are all going through it!!

~Shelly~ said...

PS- Just remember that YOU are the boss. If you start letting him run all over u.. ur gunna need nanny 911 before long bc he will think he never has to listen to u.

Heather said...

Thanks Ladies!!!! Ya know the night I posted this I was DONE FIGHTING HIM!! The next night Matt worked late so it was just me battling the dragon and omg he was the SWEETEST little boy!

He took a bath no problem, he picked up the toys no problem, and he went to bed no problem!!! I kept sending Matt pictures b/c he didn't believe me that Hayden was actually minding me!! Lol Maybe the problem is just a joke! I can't imagine life without him!

But Hayden having the best night in a long time made me realizes that this IS JUST A PHASE. I will get my sweet little boy back and can cancel the Priest...ya know for the Exorcism I was going to make him perform!

~Shelly~ said...

Sounds like it is time to kick Matt out- HAHAH jk, I hate it when that happens but its usually the other way around for us. She will act like an angel with Jeffrey & horrible for me. I can't even take her to the grocery store! EVER! Good luck- I hope he is starting to snap out of it!